Wednesday, December 24, 2008

all i want for xmas


i am back from saskatchewan and feel like xmas is over. we did everything xmas is for me. got together with my mom's family, ate a lot, the kids bonded and played. we went sledding and snowshoeing. we opened presents. we played cards and dominoes. we drove the insanely long drive there and back. i'm all done now. sated.

and i love my daughter so much it hurts. she makes me so proud to be her mother.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I was tagged by mommyknows.

Anyone reading this has been tagged too!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Who can keep track? I cry a lot.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, except when I am really tired it gets sloopy. Yes, I said sloopy.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Spicy turkey or whatever.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably not, since I probably wouldn't return my phone calls.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Am I from Saskatchewan?
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes. Could they be the cause of my frequent bouts of laryngitis?
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Don't think so. Although I am susceptible to peer pressure when it comes to adventure-type stuff.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Depends on the shoe.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically? I dunno. Emotionally? I dunno.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Vanilla.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? I have no idea. Their kids?
15. RED OR PINK? Pink.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Anxiety.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My mom. She's too far away.
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Brown moccasins.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Roast chicken and sweet potato fries.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Toopy and Binoo.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Pink.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? I love the smell of different bodies of waters. Lakes, rivers, oceans, humid air, even swimming pools.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My auntie Cindy.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Women's soccer! Rowing!
27. HAIR COLOR? Brownie.
28. EYE COLOR? Green/grey depending on the light.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Salt.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I don't watch scary movies. Me no likey.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Um. I think I watched True Lies on tv last night. Lame!
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Fuchsia.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? What? It is currently winter. Which do I prefer? Summer. Hello, this is Canada.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Meh. Not a dessert person. I do like chocolate cake.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No idea. I don't think anyone reads my blog except Jody.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND. The general public!
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Dance Hall Road by Marion Douglas. I sort of hated it at first but now I'm sort of invested about half way through.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A wrist rest.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Like I said above, I think True Lies last night was on while I worked in the background.
42. FAVORITE SOUND. Ella's laugh.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Meh. Whatever.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? I guess Japan would be the farthest away.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Wouldn't you like to know.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Prince Albert, Saskatchewan.
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Seriously, if you read this, let me know. I really do think Jody's the only one who reads!

Saturday, September 06, 2008

preschool preview


preschool is going to kill me.

today was like a little preview. ella had her first gymnastics class. her first class without mama. she wailed. cried. hollered "mooooooooooom" like a cow in labour. sucked her fingers out of total fear and anxiety. wailed. stared bug eyed at me from across the huge gymnasium.

and i had to sit in the fucking bleachers and watch. it was not good, people. my heart ached. it was a good thing my mom happened to be along or i'd have probably caved and gone running to save her.

she made it through the full hour. participated in most of it. (said no to some, i saw.) even tried to muster a smile at one point. but oh, man, she cried tears of relief when i finally met her at the end.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

recognize her?


and the mini one
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
i flip back and forth between having the opinion that it's getting easier to send ella off to her other mom's house each week, and that it's just not getting easier at all. maybe right now i'm extra sentimental because preschool is looming.

my baby will be starting preschool soon, and i'm just feeling sad about it. don't get me wrong. i'm excited for her, cuz i know she'll enjoy it and make friends and blah blah blah. but i'm sad because it's good evidence that she's no longer a baby. it's just gonna keep going from here - her independent little life as a big girl. ooh, motherhood is hard on the heart.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

her latest thing


her latest thing
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
hand-funnel-whispering hints. especially when playing eye-spy. only her hints are the answers. but it's still cuter than a basket of kittens.

also now that she's mastering the letter L, she's using it on words that actually do have a Y, not just the words where she pronounced the L as a Y. the other day i yawned and she said "oh, you lawnin' mom?" hehe.

Friday, July 18, 2008

i grew up here.


the beach is yay.
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
just was looking at this pic i took of ella on our recent visit to christopher lake. i grew up there. that beach there, where ella's lying? i took swimming lessons there as a kid. at 8 am. hot damn it was cold some mornings. i mentioned this on our visit. my mom said it was NOT 8 am. i was all it was too! she said, no, it was maybe 10 am. i said you're nuts, i remember distinctly it being the ass-crack of dawn and cold. we jokingly continued to argue the point. ella joined in. first she took nona's side and told me "no. mom, is was 10." "8" "is was 10!" "8" "10". . . you get the idea. awhile she switched to my side and argued with nona until my poor mom was blue in the face. i told her she'd better give up. ella is relentless.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

saskatchewan


wild strawberries
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
being home in saskatchewan is totally soothing for me. and watching ella have a blast with my mom is over the top goodness. it was really cool watching her get used to the country too. running wild across the great expanses of grass, dirt, beach, whatever. lying on the ground picking and eating wild strawberries with my mom. experiencing what it's like to go out into the garden and pick some veggies and eat them right then and there. helping my mom plant and re-plant flowers. splashing at the lake. digging in the dirt. not afraid to be 40 yards away from me running all over at my grandma's farm. it was amazing.

and she went to sleep in about 7 seconds every night. :)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

summer is good.


summer is good.
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
nothing to say really. other than i love summer. i love thunderstorms. i love watching ella ride her bike and run from playing in the sand to the swings to the monkey bars. i love the spray park. i love swimming pools. i love the lake. i love sunshine and my skin turning bronze whether i like it or not. i love the shade of green that grass and leaves turns in the bright sunlight. i love sitting on my patio in the shade while ella plays in her sandbox.

Monday, June 23, 2008

to my girl


good mornin'
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
i wish for you to be happy more than anything. i wish for you to know you are a worthwhile person, that you are a marvel.

i hope your struggles are just enough for you to know yourself, but not so much that you suffer. i want your joys to be massive and for you to know how to revel in them and appreciate them.

i hope you will care about others enough to act on their behalf. i want you to feel loved and strong and at peace.

i hope you find something(s) to do that make you feel fulfilled and powerful.

i hope you travel the world and meet amazing inspiring people. i hope you always feel grounded and safe and that you are never alone in the world. i want for you the chance to speak more than one language. to know that living in canada as a white woman is a privilege. to be brave. and curious. and hopeful.

all this and so much more i want for you.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

internet friends

remember when it was cra-zay-zy! to say you met someone online - whether it was for romance or otherwise? for me it's become more and more the norm. i have this amazing group of internet friends that i usually refer to as "my online mommies" and they are the ultimate support group. even better, they are a sounding board, a friend to chat with who's available at any hour. and now that we're preparing for the 3rd of what has become an annual gathering, they are real flesh and blood friends. in the best, most real sense. the only downside is that they're not available to babysit. heh.

speaking of which, sometimes you meet people who aren't across the universe from you! and just the other day ella and i managed to get together with jenandtonic and her marvellous daughter charlotte. it was a thrill to watch our shy girls hit it off like crazy. ella, who has been clingy to the point where she won't even go upstairs in our own house without me, wandered off to another room and another floor with charlotte after ... oh, 10 minutes? i was kind of boggled. awestruck. needless to say, cutenesses abounded. and i can't wait to do it again. and jen is my hero because she blogs for a freaking living. at least in part.

end ramble.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

she's back


she's back
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
nothing fills your heart with joy like a child's face lit up like this on sight of you. my daughter's been on holidays with her other mom for the past 10 days. longest fucking 10 days of my life, it sort of seems. the longest we've ever been apart, that's for damn sure. my heart was a sort of constant ache until this moment.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

learning to make an inuksuk

i signed ella up to take part in a sweet little workshop about building an inuksuk at the children's festival. inuksuit (inuksuk plural) were built (and still are i suppose) by inuit people - they are kind of like stone cairns that resemble humans. they were used to help indicate the way for travellers or to pass along messages or to store food under... (here's what wikipedia has to say about them.)

this is the third year in a row i've taken ella to the children's festival in st. albert. there are so many fun things to do, and most of them are free! we have big love for the festival! even though ella was quite sick this year, we didn't want to miss it, and she managed to muster some enthusiasm in the spirit of it all.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

yook out beyowwwww!!!


yook out beyowwwww!!!
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
that's what she yells as she takes off on her super duper new disc swing.

thanks to lucymay for inspiration and uncle mike for the wooden disc! i think she likes it.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

motobike


motobike
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
ella calls her tricycle her motorbike. actually, all bikes are motorbikes. and actual motorbikes are motorcycles. i can't seem to get her to accept the correct terminology.

anyway, she kind of sort of finally learned to pedal today! it was exciting. she rode around in circles on the deck for about 20 minutes. then we hit the playground (with a helmet, don't worry) and she even pedaled UPHILL! very exciting.

she was concentrating so hard on watching her feet pedal that she couldn't bring herself to look up and watch where she was going. heh.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

TFO


TFO
Originally uploaded by kim.mama
you guys ever hear of the term TKO? i don't know, you hear it here and there. it's a boxing term, which i always thought stood for Total Knock Out... anyhoo in my head i made up a companion term to describe toddlers - the Total Freak Out, TFO. which i never realy used out loud or anything but sometimes would amuse myself in my head with it. TFO.

but i recently learned that it actually stands for Technical Knock Out. and now it amuses me even more, a Technical Freak Out! like there could be a checklist of items to confirm the freak out as a Technical Freak Out.

1) screaming, check
2) flailing, check
3) irrationality, check
4) tears, check.

confirmed. TFO.