motobike

motobike
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

ella calls her tricycle her motorbike. actually, all bikes are motorbikes. and actual motorbikes are motorcycles. i can't seem to get her to accept the correct terminology.

anyway, she kind of sort of finally learned to pedal today! it was exciting. she rode around in circles on the deck for about 20 minutes. then we hit the playground (with a helmet, don't worry) and she even pedaled UPHILL! very exciting.

she was concentrating so hard on watching her feet pedal that she couldn't bring herself to look up and watch where she was going. heh.

TFO

TFO
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

you guys ever hear of the term TKO? i don't know, you hear it here and there. it's a boxing term, which i always thought stood for Total Knock Out... anyhoo in my head i made up a companion term to describe toddlers - the Total Freak Out, TFO. which i never realy used out loud or anything but sometimes would amuse myself in my head with it. TFO.

but i recently learned that it actually stands for Technical Knock Out. and now it amuses me even more, a Technical Freak Out! like there could be a checklist of items to confirm the freak out as a Technical Freak Out.

1) screaming, check
2) flailing, check
3) irrationality, check
4) tears, check.

confirmed. TFO.

judgement

balance
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

have you ever been depressed? no. not sad about something. not bored and tired and listless. depressed in the clinical sense.
have you ever have a panic attack? no, not a little flurried sense of worry or anxiety. a real, true, debilitating, terrifying, suicidal panic attack?
then how come you judge me for taking medication to ease these things?

2 years, 2 days ago

you'll never get me to do it on camera, you fools!
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

two years ago tuesday, ella walked for the first time. real steps, to me. she was cruising along the couch and i was across the room and i said "come here, baby" and she turned, and did! 5 steps, across the living room.

weeping.

i carry your heart

last of the leaves
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings

it's fall

it's fall
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

ella-lishis.

nona and ella havin' a good time
Originally uploaded by kim.mama

hmm. what to update. there have been a thousand things lately that i wanted to write down, and i just haven't been keeping up! my mom was in town briefly. she drove her cousin out here because she (the cousin) is undergoing treatment for a brain tumour, and it's affected her vision, so she is unable to drive. anyhoo, they stayed with us, and ella was in heaven. everywhere we went, she was all about her nona. "where nona go?" "nona!!!!" accompanied by running and throwing herself into nona, hugging her legs. kissing her legs. so cute. my mom is pretty game for whatever, and ella digs that. this pic they were drawing together. and ella was "threatening" to draw on nona. mom was teasing her and they were laughing away.
recently we went to the lake and ella adored it. played in the sand for ages with a little girl she met on the beach. played in the water. wasn't afraid of seaweeds or algae. wonderful.
the other day i told her her pal brennagh was coming to play. and for the first time, she used the phrase "best friend." while waiting for brennagh, she told me several times that "mennagh is mine best fwend." the girls play and giggle so much now. they really are little girls now, instead of babies. i'll try to hold onto the babyness just a little longer though. listening to their attempts at pronouncing one another's names. ella calls brennagh "mennagh"; brennagh calls ella "rara".
ella has also begun to grasp places and place names. she now knows that nona lives in "chwisto yake" and that uncle brody (and family) live in "bamcooba".