Thursday, October 26, 2006

my imaginary friends

thursday was a hard day. i watched my soon-to-be-ex-wife get ready for work and play with our daughter and realized it was the last time. the last time we'd be all together. my family.

then friday i flew to boston to meet my imaginary friends. almost two years now, i've been a part of an amazing little community of online mommies. there was something overwhelming, surreal, and amazingly comfortable about it all. i really needed that. because i guess my life is a bit overwhelming and surreal right now.

ella was so great on the plane. on the descent into boston there was a lot of turbulence and people were white knuckling it a bit, and with every bump ella exclaimed "Whee!!!!"

once or twice on the trip my thoughts wandered to n. how she was moving out while ella and i were running around new england. but i didn't want to think much about it, so i didn't. and monday, when we arrived home, it felt nothing like i thought it would. i thought i'd be bereft. lonely. lost. but really, i felt relieved. it was a relief to not face fighting. tension. anger. it's not like i don't still feel lonely. sad. and a profound sense of loss. but it's good somehow, this change.

1 comment:

toyfoto said...

Oh, sweetie. I wished I had spent more time with you this past weekend. I was thinking about you the whole time and NOT wanting to push or remind you of anything negative. I'm glad you feel some relief though, and that your "house" is overfilled with love soon.

Hugs to you, my friend.