Sunday, October 29, 2006

lather, rinse, repeat

boy am i on a roller coaster these days. one minute, i'm feeling okay. interactions with n have been pleasant, reasonable. i feel like a normal person, capable of normal things

and then. hoo boy. then the anxiety hits. and i feel like nothing is ever going to work out. i'll never find a place to live. i'll never find a job and keep it. i'll never be able to handle being divorced and having to deal with n for the rest of my life re: every little parenting thing.

and. everyone is pregnant. more of my online mommy peeps are pregnant than not, i think. my brother's wife is pregnant. 2 of my cousins are pregnant. but you know who isn't? me. i mean, i'm SO happy for them. SOOOO happy. it's just, how would i be pregnant? there's no way i'd catch the tongue-in-cheek baby dust at a party. there's no way i could just happen to get pregnant. and. eveyrone would think i was a lunatic for trying to get pregnant, given the situation that i'm in. see above. rinse. repeat.

and. i have a cold. it feels like someone punched me in the cheekbone on the left side of my face. and that someone else has my temples in a vice. so. there. this morning? i'm not feelin' so hot.


toyfoto said...

You hang in there, Kim. It will get easier. And then, eventually, it will get better.

Hugs. hugs. hugs.

amelia said...

hugs from us too.