Wednesday, April 25, 2007
"which song should mama sing for you?"
"bight shiny day, mama"
it's a bit of an anthem for me. bringing me out of this darkness phase of my life. "i think i can make it now. pain is gone." it's a mantra, you know. by repeating over and over, i will make it manifest.
the glow, that energy, that spirit of joy that beams from ella is illuminated in me by her eyes, her smiles, her hugs and "tisses", when she asks if nona can come over, when she cares for her stuffed toys the way i care for her, ... it's up to me look all around. there's nothin' but blue skies.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
ella is good. she is cute and funny. all the time. nowadays, i've gotten more used to giving her up on weekends to her other mommy. but sometimes it's still hard. it was this friday. hard to watch her hop down the hallway. i'm happy she has both her mommies. but i miss her so much when she's gone.
me? i'm up and down. sometimes i feel quite good. better, you know. like i might be able to get on with things. go on with life. other times i feel lost again. unable to see the point of it all. like the answer is right there in front of me but my vision is blurred or something. i miss feeling like i know how to do life.