etta james, at last

i heard etta james' at last on the radio in the car this morning. and i broke down. sobbing. bawling. i cried and cried all the way home. and then some more on the couch when i walked in the door.

i'm sad. my marriage is over. i need a new life plan.

and i really thought i was past the crying stage. i really did. maybe it's my period, or i don't know what. but today, i can't seem to keep the tears at bay.

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hi. i'm one of two mommies to a wonderful little girl named ella. my soon to be ex partner and i conceived her through di (donor insemination). she is the joy of my life. sometimes, especially lately, i worry that she is the only joy in my life. which can't be healthy.

right now? i'm searching for a cheap car, a place to rent that doesn't make me feel like vomiting. getting ready to see my partner move out. getting ready to sell our house. facing the prospect of not being able to own a home again for a long time. feeling pretty sorry for myself. facing the prospect of finding a job to support myself and my daughter when all i wanna do is be at home taking care of her.

also. suffering from a generalized anxiety condition. which has on and off been somewhat debilitating. and i don't want it anymore.

so this is the beginning of something new. cuz. i need this place to vent. and i need a fresh start.